Surviving and Thriving: Testimonies of Hope and Resilience

Like some of you reading this, I went through incredibly difficult times. I often wondered how I could escape my situation without losing what I loved most—my children. It all began during our courtship, when I noticed signs of his obsessive, jealous, and aggressive behavior. I believed things would improve after marriage, but they only got worse.

When we moved to the United States, I hoped for change, but it never came. His anger escalated, even during my pregnancies. He would hit me, and I lived in constant fear. Despite my family's concerns, I stayed silent, ashamed and scared.

After years of enduring this abuse, I finally found the courage to leave. He eventually left with someone else, which brought me immense relief. I obtained a restraining order, but later made the mistake of withdrawing it, thinking he had changed. Unfortunately, this decision almost cost me my life. He attacked me with a knife, attempting to kill me. By a stroke of luck, I survived and managed to call the police, leading to his arrest and deportation.

I relocated to Las Cruces, NM, where my children and I received support from La Casa. They provided us with a safe place to live and helped us access essential resources. Slowly, I rebuilt my life. I started a small business, first selling shoes at a flea market and then offering house cleaning services. With hard work and perseverance, my business grew, and I was able to officially register it.

Today, I proudly run a successful cleaning company, and I want to share this message with anyone in a similar situation: never give up. Every effort bears fruit, and starting over is not a failure—staying in a harmful situation is. If you are experiencing abuse, please speak out and seek help. You can overcome this, not just for yourself, but for your family.

​If you really knew me, you'd know I don't tolerate disrespect. Growing up in an abusive home, I learned to stand up for myself. When I started dating at 20, I easily ended relationships at the first sign of mistreatment. But I didn’t end the one relationship I should have—my first marriage.

At 27, feeling pressure to settle down, I met my first husband. He was handsome, charming, and helped me financially, which meant a lot to someone like me who wasn’t used to relying on others. I can’t remember what triggered him the first time but now I know it was premeditated—it didn’t matter what I said or did. The warning signs were there, but I ignored them. He convinced me to put an engagement ring on my credit, promising to pay me back. One day, in anger, he threw the ring box at me, leaving a deep gash in my ankle. As I cried, he threatened to leave. My fear of abandonment took over, and I tried to climb into the jeep as he drove away. He sped around, trying to force me out, but somehow, I didn’t fall. When you're rooted in self-doubt and trauma, you cling on for dear life to something harmful because it feels like there are no other options.

We stayed together for four years, with the last year being the worst. I would have left sooner, but his mother passed away, and I felt I couldn’t leave him then. His violence escalated—he once threatened me with a hot iron, threw me across the room while I was in a recliner, and bashed my head into the wall, leaving me with severe neck issues that serve as a constant reminder of the abuse. The last time it happened, I genuinely feared for my life. We were living in a camper after losing our house. I packed my belongings in a trash bag, called my sister to come get me, and I never looked back.

Here’s my message: I never considered seeking help from a domestic violence shelter because I thought it was for other people, not me. Had I reached out, I could have received medical care, counseling, legal assistance, and financial help. I was fortunate to have family and friends to support me, but I continued making poor choices because I didn’t realize I needed to work on myself. It took two decades to understand that.

If you’re reading this, know that you don’t have to physically stay in a shelter if you have a place to go. I think the assumption is that you'll have to stay there. Aside from a safe place, shelters also offer life-saving services if you need them. You just have to make the call. And if you haven’t experienced domestic violence, understand that it doesn’t discriminate. The strongest people you know,regardless of gender or financial status, can be victims. It’s not as easy as you might think to leave when you’re emotionally stuck.